I slept for about 13 hours today. I haven’t done that in ages. I also haven’t been able to sleep before 1:30am for about a month as well. This year and in particular, this semester, has been hell. The ICT labs were almost like my second home. With Starburst and glucose-free lollies, and other random junk food, as my meal replacement options, I’ve had so many unhealthy dinners this semester. 440 next year, isn’t going to be any easier…
Went out to dinner with some friends last night. Probably the only people who I can truly, really classify as friends. Despite that, there’s still a barrier. After dinner, we went to Borders for dessert and flipped through numerous wedding magazines. Is the only thing we can talk about is now marriage? It saddens me… I don’t want kids (EVER!) and am quite impartial to the idea of marriage – if it happens, it happens. To think, we are uni students nearing the end of our undergraduate education and all they seem to talk about is marriage. Do we not have anything else “in common” to talk about anymore? If so, then I fear the next few years, where it may all be about babies – Argh!
I’m not supposed to feel so blasé when they detail things such as to exactly when their wedding will be on or what style it’ll be, etc., right? As expected, they asked for my plans. I have none. How am I supposed to? I’ve been single for my whole life, plus I am not a person to pine for anyone. I prefer to have some sort of context set up before to even start contemplating. Sorry, to be so rational and logical, but it is who I am. Thoughts of marriage don’t even cross my life in daily life. Sometimes, I feel, I might as well just be sitting with some distant relatives, who would probably nosily enquire when I’ll get married, when I’ll find that special someone *gags*, when will you have kids, *dies*…  X_x
Later on, we went jewellery store browsing for engagement and wedding rings *sweatdrops* I have absolutely no interest in jewellery at all – maybe except for luxury watches – but anyway… I played along. Maybe my indifference to this whole marriage issue is that I have no illusions of it or love. For me, a practical marriage is enough. One that works. Not something based on the fantasy/whimsical notion of “love”…
Despite being of a much mature disposition, I’m not ready to accept the responsibilities and the roles required of an “adult”. I don’t think I’m ready for all this… I think I need to resurrect my private journal – I think I’m going crazy with the million thoughts running through my head that I refuse to reveal to the public.

3 thoughts on “[Retro|Intro]spective

  1. It\’s strange how i was thinking about the same thing for the past few days… Never wanted kids, marriage is just optional, bf, maybe… and i had my Casio f1 watch two yrs back, that ended my watch window shopping 🙂

  2. I\’m lucky to even just step near a shopping centre these days, let alone window shop! Besides Melbourne Central\’s train station, that is.
    I already have a watch that I\’m very content with, but I\’m not going to name the brand here 🙂

  3. Hehe, just so that you know you have successfully logged in after about 10 mins i guess. i logged it out…

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